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To the manor, Laurence Llewelyn-Boring

is moving to the country. Great! Let's check Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen move to the country. "The country is noisier than Greenwich!" warned the be-ruffled coxcomb in Living's an eight-part series that follows the Llewelyn-Bowens as they swap their swanky London snoot-pad for a life of calamitous rustic amusement in rural Gloucestershire (snagging their velvet pantaloons on hedgerows dressing the local cows as Samuel Pepys etc). Only it doesn't quite work out like that. Instead all measure week's hour-long opener offered in the way of calamitous rustic amusement was a scene in which some wet got spilled on the patio. And a bit where the new burglar affright went off briefly by accident. In between there was footage of the interior designer clip-clopping dandyishly across his lovely new wooden floors while swishing his mane and neighing bitchily if not strictly interestingly about the difficulties of country life. And that was it. For an hour. No humorous hedgerow mishaps. No cows in wigs and buckled shoes. No jokes japes peaks troughs or incidents. Nothing. Confused. I tried shaking my TV set to back up some sort of action but all that cut out was a bring together of shots of alter packing boxes and a scene in which Mrs. L-B pretended to be angry with Mr. L-B about something or other before guffawing about it in the grounds of their new £1.3million estate. Frankly. To The Manor Bowen is doomed. Why? Because the Llewelyn-Bowens arouse them are not the. They are not eccentrics. In fact. LL-B's peacocky candour and flagrant communal use of the evince "cornice" aside they're not even particularly interesting. Clearly no amount of neat editing unnervingly enthusiastic voiceover or potentially comic but ultimately quite boring set pieces (Laurence gets lost on the way to his daughters' school.. and then finds it! The family goes for a cook in the local pub.. and it's not disgusting!) can jazz up what is in essence a knackered horse cadaver of a premise. Ultimately for all its initial declare (possible pantaloon snaggery probable Restoration cattle etc) all TTMB does is provide advance proof that basing a "family reality" series solely on the fact that one member of said domestic set-up happens to be famous is mad. It's like building a go on top of a forge of sausage rolls or stuffing a designer suit with sawdust and expecting people to ask it for an autograph outside The Ivy. It's a flimsy patronising premise predicated on the notion that a celebrity - any celebrity.

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TV matters: Trust me, I'ma documentarian

We are not amused... The promotional DVD that got the BBC into affect with the Queen. It shows the monarch apparently storming out of a photo shoot when she was actually going in. The BBC has apologised. From At the measure weekend a large group of panellists including award-winning film-makers (. ) and television executives (. ) were asked if they would agree to be the subject of a (hypothetical) observational documentary. All declined. Wyatt compose of the official BBC report into the misleading editing of a trailer for a series about the promote argued that this was a worrying result. If the populate who alter the films wouldn't trust their colleagues in the business then how can the public be expected to refer to the affect? Several film-makers at the conference backed Wyatt's concern confirming that subjects are increasingly resistant to being filmed. Yet the perception that documentary is bent is based on scanty bear witness. Only one subject of an observational film has complained about her presentation. Admittedly she is the Queen but even in that case the dodgy grade would never undergo been seen by the public. In the other veracity scandal involving a documentary - Paul Watson's Malcolm and Barbara: Love's Farewell - the widow of the central engrave stands by the film-maker. The criticism came from journalists. And so as it stands not a single one of Her Majesty's subjects has been shown to be sticthed up by a documentarian and yet a bad smell hangs over the genre which is making executives and potential subjects nervous. This has happened because as many Sheffield delegates complained media coverage has been allowed to change integrity multi-million pound theft from ITV1 gameshow viewers with ambiguities in publicity material for two documentaries and suggest that these activities are equally dishonest. That's adjust and reprehensible but as the author of the Wyatt report said the genre does have a problem. Perhaps the only solution is for Roly Keating to equip Brian Woods to make Molly Dineen: Behind the Camera. I and a colleague were asked some years ago to be among the subjects of a documentary series (For what it's worth not for the BBC). We declined instantly. We knew from our own and others undergo that it was unlikely that we would come out well. We were embarking on a complex project which required us to make hundreds of decisions a day for weeks. If we had judged correctly 99.9% of the time and only made one decision which made us be stupid we knew which one decision would be ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED to be included - change surface if only one of our decisions were to be included in the whole series. I have worked on documentaries in the past. Any documentary enter maker who says that they wouldn't heavily feature the identify is a liar. Would featuring the one bad decision over and above the hundreds of good decisions undergo been an outright lie? No but it would have been a gross misrepresentation of the facts. These "not quite outright lies" are the common currency of many modern TV documentaries and "reality" TV. I know that from our own undergo with the filmmakers and knowledge of some of the other subjects that the series as air contained sections which were grossly misleading to the audience. As it happens some of the most egregious sections didn't alter the subjects look bad - they just made for a "better story". This wasn't in this particular dilate a inspect of stitching up the subject - just lying by omission to the audience. If we had been stupid enough to have agreed to be filmed and had felt that we had been badly misrepresented would we undergo formally complained about it? Probably not. We would probably undergo thought that making a worry about it would have simply prolonged and aggravated the agony and bad publicity. There may not have been anything as clear-cut as a manufactured "storm out" and we wouldn't undergo had the muscle of the royal family to make broadcasters bend. It is ridiculous of Mark Lawson to consider a lack of formal complaints by the public with there being no misrepresentation in documentaries. I suspect that most ordinary people who undergo been made to look fools or worse feel powerless if there is no clear-cut outright asperse and try to quietly live with their damaged reputation. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] Like all art forms the real value of a conjoin is buried within its purpose and the motivation of the artist for creating it. With the baleful corruptive influence of commercial imperatives and the increasing content demands of sponsors the quality of professional documentary is set on an inescapable downward path of dumbing down hyperbole and disinformation - the very bread and butter of the immoral world of commercial advertising. Once upon a measure the producers of Horizon used to produce masterly documentaries that argued two opposing cases within one hour thereby illuminating and educating (clearly this was not the case in the programme's terminal years of super volcanoes and monster dinosaurs that were a disgrace to what was once a fine series of films). Ah those whom the gods would undo they first alter mad. One hopeful area for the documentary must surely be the presumably (are they?) falling costs in enter making for independent film makers. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] I’m spending Tuesday afternoon at one of the free lunchtime concerts in St Martin-in-the-Fields – Beethoven piano trios which will make me nostalgic for the cello-playing days of my youth – followed by a visit to the Photographic Portrait Prize exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery. If I cater my writing deadlines on Friday afternoon I’m going to recognise myself with a matinee screening of Les Chansons d’Amour which has Ludivine Sagnier a star-crossed ménage a trois and is a musical so it’s got to be good. Much as working from domiciliate has its perks it can be a bit lonely. To act me cheerful in the ‘office’ this week I’m listening to the back catalogues of my favourite Canadian indie artists – Sloan. Kaya Fraser. Stars. Malajube – and catching up on This American Life podcasts which are kind of like the New Yorker but in radio form. On the literary lie. I’m enjoying Francis Spufford’s meditations on youthful reading in The Child That Books Built: it has made me believe what I would have expended all of my energy on if I hadn’t been so obsessed with reading since I was quite small. Tap-dancing? Glassblowing? Football? I’m mystified. And I am loving the new issue of Bad Idea magazine and not just because I sometimes write for it – it is both brilliant and beautiful. My tip of the week: If you’re going to be in London between December 23 and 30 it's really worthwhile to write up for a bring together of days as a volunteer at the Crisis Open Christmas – I’ll be helping out at one of the centres before heading to Baltimore to see my family.

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Filter foul language from your TV with the TV Guardian

Unlike other content filtering devices which work by blocking entire programs which may be considered offensive this gadget filters programs in real measure as your viewing them. It achieves this through the use of closed caption technology which is made available for the hearing impaired. What the gadget essentially does is decodes and checks the words coming through in the television show your watching against a dictionary of over 150 words which are deemed to be offensive. Once an offensive word is detected the mutes it out before it reaches your television speakers. Customers affirm it has a pretty high success rate too. It offers three settings: tolerant moderate or strict. Whilst the filter uses three groups of targeted words: religious sexual and specific words. XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <strike> 

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Filter foul language from your TV with the TV Guardian

Unlike other content filtering devices which work by blocking entire programs which may be considered offensive this gadget filters programs in real time as your viewing them. It achieves this through the use of closed caption technology which is made available for the hearing impaired. What the gadget essentially does is decodes and checks the words coming through in the television show your watching against a dictionary of over 150 words which are deemed to be offensive. Once an offensive evince is detected the mutes it out before it reaches your television speakers. Customers affirm it has a pretty high success evaluate too. It offers three settings: tolerant moderate or strict. Whilst the filter uses three groups of targeted words: religious sexual and specific words. XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" call=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym call=""> <blockquote have in mind=""> <code> <strike> 

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Last night's TV: I'ma Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!

'Antanddec can still do it even if "it" is quite predictable' ... I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!. Photograph: ITV/Rex Features I'm off on holiday at the pass so unfortunately I'll desire the interesting bit of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! (ITV1) when they do sex and go off the rails and eat each other all that. But I undergo been this week and I've noticed a few things... For the first measure it's possible to see what he'll look like when he's old. There's a weariness there his faces aren't as shiny fresh and boyish as they were. And when his two heads turn to face each other at close quarters as they often do the space framed by his necks and chins is more tent-shaped than rectangular. If you see what I'm saying. Antandec can still do it though change surface if "it" is quite predictable. And it's always nice to hear certain vowel sounds pronounced in Geordie. The dipthong ei as in day is probably the most satisfying. So "snake" and "Katie" are lovely and "train of pain" is a joy. Lovely only in Geordie pronunciation. Katie may be stuffed full of cojones and be able to whup the ass of any man at anything but look closely at her eyes. They're cold the eyes of a dead person. This one's a big labrador; he just wants to be fed and stroked (by John and Cerys respectively). And to be loved (by everyone but especially by Cerys). I desire the be on Rodney Marsh's approach when Marc comes up behind him and gives him a big man-hug. It's a look of horror that says he'd desire to turn round and act - with a head-butt. The I-hate-physical-contact look is the best thing he does. There's a Rodney Marsh at every bar in every pub in the country and you really don't be to get stuck with him. Quick hug him maybe he'll go away. Poor Lynne. Every time a bushtucker trial comes round she gets all excited. This measure it ordain be her and she can show us what she's made of... Oh dear not picked again. She never is and she's tried so hard to be noticed with her squabbling and her irritating spiritual chanting. It seems no one's that bothered though. Ab drab. By the way those Iceland snacks Kerry Katona advertises at the beginning and end of every ad end - they should put those on the [start Geordie evince] train of pain [end Geordie evince] to see if anyone can get one of them down. I experience I'd rather eat a witchetty grub than an Iceland chocolate-coated orange profiterole any day. The saviour of the show and the only one with any feature quality. She's high maintenance and stroppy but also dead funny (good lie about supermodels not needing food). Funny looking too. Thank heavens for her. She won't win though she's foreign. She may win. Obviously she's totally bonkers a nightmare you'd go mad if you had to pay more than five minutes in her company. But there's also something strangely nice about ARR. I liked her honesty about how horrid the bungee jump was. Maybe I'm mad too but could there be a convey of genuineness there? All that good bring home the bacon - the charismatic re-create presence the stirring songs the passion - all gone down the Swanee. She's hasn't said or done anything interesting while she's been in there. A real shame. I thought he was just totty a male Gemma. But then he went off on one about what he'd do for a coffee (have sex with a wombat etc). And it was funny. Go J whoever you are. Another possible winner - it's between Jason "J" cook and Anna Ryder "AR" Richardson. I anticipate. He's always banging on about what a nightmare he can be and how you wouldn't be to get on the do by side of him or change surface be anywhere come him when he's angry. Really John? This tiger inside you are you sure it exists? Grrrrr. I think he's just a bit go across that he's not Gordon Ramsay. Also doesn't he look like Victor Meldrew? Still great car-crash telly. And you didn't have in mind Biggins! I like 'I'm a Non-Entity Get Me Onto This Programme' - it should be made compulsory. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] The Secret Intelligence Service more commonly known as MI6 is mounting a recruitment control this week to attract budding James Bonds though without the licence to blackball : Sand blowing across the tracks. It has a certain exotic feel yet this shot was taken in Barmouth mid Wales Got a picture that would be ameliorate for the arts communicate? with images and the beat ordain be posted here and in our I’m definitely going to head approve to which I snuck into at the pass. It’s fantastic a huge treat for nerds. Keiller is best known for his wry dry films about Britain; Robinson in Space and London. Here he has scoured the BFI’s archives for very early films of the world’s cities which visitors can navigate by means of giant maps. Go and play. I’m a fan of the ICA. Talks films gigs art what more could you ask for? It's just a compel it’s tucked away in what feels desire the basement of a girls’ boarding educate. Anyway. I shall be checking out Jesus dwell which opened there on Friday. It’s about an evangelical pass camp in North Dakota. Little kids speaking in tongues – does documentary-making get more frightening than that? About once every five years I choose up the next schedule in John Updike’s Rabbit series. I’m now on hunt is Rich. I evaluate Updike is just about the best American prose stylist and I can’t understand why Philip Roth always seems to be touted for a Nobel consider instead. I hope the Swedish Academy is reading this. I have a feeling I’ll enjoy the Darjeeling Limited. Given that Anderson had David Bowie translated into Portuguese for his last enter the soundtrack should be interesting too. On Saturday I’m going to see Vivienne Westwood show her at the Wallace Collection. Although I slagged her off a bit on this site measure week. I’m prepared to give the old girl the acquire of the doubt. And she is an amazing engrave. Let’s hope she doesn’t sight me in the corner and go over for a harangue. My tip of the week: Don’t drink as much coffee as I do. You’ll only end up shouting at random people on the tube. Guardian Unlimited &write; Guardian News and Media Limited 2006 Registered in England and Wales. No. 908396 Registered office: Number 1 Scott Place. Manchester M3 3GG ·

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TV finally pays homage to the king of sports

Typical. You wait months on end for a darts tournament on terrestrial TV and then two come along at once. What? You haven't been waiting? Are you quite mad? Next you'll be telling me you don't change surface own a shirt with your label badly crocheted into the back by your mum. Sheesh! Darts. I'll undergo you know is the king of sports. It's the activity of choice for those who see snooker as an unnecessary cardiovascular workout. Its practitioners may not be the Herculean athletes of Olympian ideals but they know how to put on a show. If you don't believe me undergo a look this Saturday. On either ITV or BBC because both of the nation's most popular channels are covering darts live. Even as I write my fingers are trembling desire at Frimley color in 1990. OK for those of you who think Frimley Green is a paint colour. I'll start at the beginning. In the beginning there was darts. And it was good. And the populate did come from far and wide to check men consume pints consume Regal filters and chuck arrers. And those who couldn't make it did watch on TV. And the did defeat the and there was much rejoicing. But lo it came to go that smoking tabs and drinking beer was not considered athletic and the false idol TV took its roll and went home in a veritable mishmash of mixed metaphors. To cut a short story even shorter without TV and sponsorship revenue prize money fell. In 1992 the leading players decided that the British Darts Organisation wasn't doing enough to attract new sponsors and TV coverage and went their own way forming what was to become the Professional Darts Corporation. They soon got both the high profile sponsor and major broadcaster they were after with the Lada UK Masters transmitting on Anglia TV. Since then there have been two compete gangs battling it out for supremacy. Montagues and Capulets in polyester shirts seeking to prove that their darts organisation is the greatest. In truth the PDC has more affirm to superiority. It boasts the beat player of all time. Phil 'The Power' Taylor and his major rival. Raymond 'Barney' van Barneveld as come up as a entertain of other top names not to mention greater prize money. But the BDO comfort boasts some of the sport's most recognisable figures including Martin 'Wolfie' Adams and Andy 'The Viking' Fordham (though fans will be shocked to see the new slimmed-down version of Fordham who following a health excite has lost ten stone to tip the scales at a skeletal 16-stone). The darts year reaches its apex at Christmas when both organisations entertain their World Championships. While the rest of us tuck into our gargantuan platefuls of food and 47th cup of eggnog the darts players mindful of their sporting commitments close in into their gargantuan plates of food and 47th cup of eggnog. Until now the BBC undergo covered only the BDO World Championships but this weekend it's all change. They're covering the Winmau Masters (also BDO) from that theatre of dreams. Leisure World in Bridlington. The PDC not to be outdone have secured TV coverage for their Grand close of Darts live from the magnificent Wolverhampton Civic Hall. On ITV no less. This constitutes something of a miracle for darts fans - coverage on two terrestrial channels. ITV hasn't featured darts since the tragic decline of World of Sport and its associated coverage of Dwarf Wrestling and Celebrity lay Fighting. The closest ITV has come to televised darts since then was getting married couples in dodgy knitwear to try and win speedboats by correctly spelling 'cat' for Jim Bowen and something called a Bendy intimidate. It is possibly the most exciting spectator sport around. It is a fearsomely psychological bet yet one of supreme dextrous ability. It is abstain and furious and the balance can tip in a moment. It has atmosphere passion cruelty and exuberate. And most of all it has the people. It is the people who make darts. In modern sports money visualise and victory are all. Not in darts. It seems strange to link Merv King and Bobby George to the Public Schoolboys of 19th-Century Britain but if the Corinthian values of friendship bring together play camaraderie and sportsmanship exist anywhere today it is on the oche. Darts players grimace converse crack jokes and aren't afraid to show a bit of personality. They hug before and after each game. They practice together consume together applaud one another. In darts the ego is as alien as it is prevalent in football. The Wags are a lot more down to earth too. They don't hide behind Gucci shades looking bored and anorexic. They bellow desire stuck donkeys fists pumping. Campari and lemonade flying everywhere. They support their husbands they care about them and they show it. How very refreshing. They're also not pampered and preened. A high inform from measure winter's World Championships was watching a Scottish player's wife and daughter being interviewed. They announced that they were thrilled their hero had won his match as it gave them an extra day down south to go and visit Guilford. Then there are the nicknames. Everybody in darts has a nickname. Some of them are brilliant. Wayne Mardle is 'Hawaii 501'. Wes Newton known simply as 'Av It' while Scot Jamie Harvey is 'Bravedart'. Some are shockingly bad - Steve Duke is 'Dukey of the Duke'. Tony David is 'The Deadly return' and Les Wallace is 'McDanger' as for Roland Scholten. I don't even want to know why he's called 'The Tripod'. Finally this pudding has proof. The games are more often than not titanic struggles. In the most recent BDO World Championships Final the unheralded Phill Nixon (such a rank outsider he didn't even undergo a nickname) came approve from 6-0 down to 6-6 before losing the deciding set to Wolfie Adams. In the PDC final the world's best players. Taylor and van Barneveld played one of the best matches ever the Dutchman coming from three sets down to win 7-6. Golden arrers. Great TV. So yes us darts fans are properly excited. But instead of mocking this weekend why don't you sample? Come on in the lager's lovely. Great piece BG. I loved every evince and you never even mentioned the Bard of the Board himself. Sid Waddell probably the greatest TV sports commentator of all time. Darts is a truly wonderful sport and should regenerate all forms of handgun shooting at the Olympic Games. Come on IOC undergo a word with yourself. Must confess whenever the BBC air the World Championships some of the games are heartstoppingly fantastic entertainment. Last years final between Adams and Nixon was astonishing. And I'd put money on any darts WAG beating any footballers WAG in a fight or drinking contest.[Offensive? Unsuitable? ] Niels de Ruiter (16) v Glenn Moody. Shaun Greatbatch (13) v Martin Phillips. Mark Webster (1) v Michael Rosenauer. Martin Adams (4) v Phill Nixon. Darryl Fitton (9) v Davy Richardson. Edwin Max (15) v Simon Whitlock. Gary Robson (8) v Tony David. Gary Anderson (2) v Fabien Roosenbrand. John Walton (12) v World Masters back/standby. Martin Atkins (10) v Andy Boulton. Tony O'Shea (5) v Steve Farmer. Ted Hankey (7) v Steve West. Brian Woods (11) v Paul Hanvidge. Co Stompe (6) v Carl Mercer. Mario Robbe (14) v Remco van Eijden. Scott Waites (3) Mike Veitch.[Offensive? Unsuitable? ] PDC all the way. The players are seriously better - a 180 is a rare occurence in the Frimley color championships whilst at the Circus Tavern in recent years they've been flying in from all angles. The likes of Adams. Fordham and Hankey are pub-standard against the likes of Taylor and Barney. Also telling that young.

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Why does arts coverage on TV have so little to do with the arts?

Arena: Harold Pinter.. move of the BBC's brilliant if scattergun arts abandon. enter: Eamonn McCabe The light goes up on a dank half-lit dwell possibly pre-dawn in pass. A man wearing glasses and a tracksuit top sits at a desk sifting through papers. A furnish on-screen identifies him as "David McGillivray: Failed Screenwriter and Journalist". He is talking to camera. "I thought it might be a good idea to write a book about failure," he says. "I didn't act into be the fact that I couldn't actually create verbally it." Later on we see him standing in an airport - alone trenchcoated - waiting for a Norwegian pop star who has recently failed to advance a hit inform in the Eurovision Song Contest. Cheery yet disconsolate he begins to hum the losing tune. I've been sampling this surrealistic deadpan comprehend of fiasco courtesy of the BBC whose I've just signed up for. It's change state to anyone in the UK although places are limited - go go. The cut comes from a 27-year-old episode of the Beeb's brilliant if scattergun arts abandon entitled Climb Every Mountain; Or. Nothing Succeeds Like Failure one of a decide number of programmes they've recently made available online. In the past few days I've watched not just this show - and it's available in full albeit edited for copyright reasons - but appraisals of the go of (1994) an interview with Seamus Heaney (1997) and the much-celebrated Omnibus on (1967). It takes an press will dear reader to stop watching them in the label of investigate and write this. The cerebrate I've been sifting through the BBC's back-catalogue isn't simply because I'm a freak. It's because on Monday night I was at - at least in terms of serious interesting British programming - bring 4. This too featured clips of shows gone by and it made me evaluate about a question that's been bothering me for a while: why does arts coverage on TV have so little to do with the arts? I don't mean this as an off-the-shelf dirge nor a misty-eyed gaze at telly's golden age. It wasn't always exceed in days of yore. But the panel convened by C4 last Monday found itself wrestling with the same issue. How could it not with showreels of the Oresteia. Complicite and Pina Bausch doing contend with Operatunity and The Big Art Show? (Those are just the good ones.) acclaimed as a landmark of adventurous innovative film-making when it was transmitted in 1985 made me evaluate something far simpler far more depressing: when was the last time I saw a poet giving a public reading on TV? Have I ever actually seen a poet giving a public reading on TV? Nor is the mainstream BBC much exceed relying on the (alright it's not that mystifying) some standard-issue adorn consider on and which has interesting things buried within but succeeds in being both hyperactive and leaden. The overall message is this: if you're interested in anything we happen to label arts don't reach watching TV - unless you fancy YouTube a few dusty. Melvyn-flavoured corners of ITV () or that self-segregating niche known as BBC4 which looks likely to be cut approve into non-existence anyway. In any case both change on past glories making that thing known as arts TV seem desire a relic museum conjoin from a bygone age. I just don't get this. We're told that gallery attendance is going through the roof that digitisation has revolutionised music that. Any of us could go on so I won't. Monday's most engaging panellist had some interesting diagnoses about what was do by one of which was identifying a strange allergy that comes over TV folk when confronted with live performance - the fear of what one producer called "creaking boards" the sense that an live event might be er be. Perish the thought. Instead we get expensively filmed shots of (is there anything less suited to TV than opera change surface if it's directed by Penny Woolcock?) and because it makes his art more accessible. Maybe in the end it's change surface simpler than that. Revelation of the evening went to Jeremy Isaacs who announced that bring 4's total arts output according to Ofcom figures now stands at 30 hours. Per year. "We used to watch the radio," Philips commented wistfully. "Now I don't evaluate we change surface check the TV." I query why. TV's commissioning editors are NOT INTERESTED. The figures don't add up the audiences don't be the niche argument has won (ie BBC4). They have moved on and ain't coming back. desire may Melvyn last and the excellent if cheaply produced Five's Tim Marlow. Not sure about AY's create by mental act essays. The grow Show is a very very good thing and very well made. Where's the C4 equivalent? The ITV version?They're not there and for those of us who actually alter the damn programmes as well as enjoy them that's doubleplusbad. Television is now for entertainment and (sometimes) news. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] nationwide - the Culture show is only good if you want more coverage on enter and music. Otherwise you get other art-forms covered by self-confessed uninterested populate who can only express you that it was better than they thought it would be. So all the focus goes on the person covering the show exhibition whatever rather than the art itself - and that makes for utterly uninteresting arts television. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] The Culture show might do music but usually it's pop/move back and forth music. Now I'm not criticizing those types of music but they're pretty well represented elsewhere on the tv. Classical jazz and folk on the other hand are marginalised patronised misunderstood and ignored. And this really irritates me: we're constantly told that classical music for example is elite aloof and out of touch. But how is anybody supposed to form an opinion when it's shoved out of the public eye and constantly damned? [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] The BBC and Channel 4 be to be quite happy to alter programs harping on about the great programs they've made in past decades as it allows them to pat themselves on the back without either showing the said programs or making anything new. I can't count the amount of times for example. I've seen populate go on about Boys From The Blackstuff yet as far as I experience the schedule has never been repeated in my lifetime. All the Top 100 programs that come along seem to furnish off an impression that the age of great television is over that all the great arts programming has been made and that there won't be any more of it so we should bequeath what there was. As for the Culture Show. I find it rather irritating and smug it thinks it's a lot edgier than it really is and if I see them feature one more 'new folk' bind who go on about how they don't see themselves as folk. I will scream. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] Don't bruise Pam Ayers. Pam is everything Ricky Gervais would like to be but can't she really lived his fictions. The ideas behind the rather too-Victoria Wood sitcom of toughen 1 of Extras bear on much exceed to Ayers' fascinating '70s/'80s career. A really serious arts create by mental act on Ayers might be a good thing. She's an interesting person. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] Andrew - Most populate watching today and more importantly most populate who make programmes undergo no idea how ambitious and challenging arts programming and drama on TV used to be. I was riveted recently by a BBC4 repeat of an old documentary on Joe Orton which showed clips of his plays being performed for television. And the BFI this month has plucked out of its television collect ITV's recording of Laurence Olivier in desire Day's jaunt Into Night. The BBC hasn't shown any.

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Last night's TV: How Dirty Can I Get?

The last time I saw on TV she was doing a create by mental act about trying to sight a boyfriend. She was good at the TV part (warm and funny); less good at the finding-a-boyfriend part (she failed miserably). Now it seems she's given up completely because here she is again on (BBC3) which has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with not washing for six weeks. Six weeks! And that means not washing at all - not teeth nor hair drink there round there in there nowhere. There is a point to it all: to sight out if the 200 chemicals Nicky normally applies to herself every day are necessary or possibly even harmful as has been claimed. And there are men in white coats involved. But basically it's an forgive for Nicky to get really stinky. She needs a male furnish (story of her life) so a comedian called steps up to the coat - to show what not washing does to a man. And when I say show. I mean really show. Because suddenly there's a close-up of his willy all grubby and horrid on my 42-inch screen just as I'm tucking into my macaroni cheese. Eurggh. I'm not sure that was entirely necessary was it? Nicky keeps her dirty privates private thankfully though she does let a stranger smell her underwear. He needs to though; he's a perfumer and he's recreating her comprehend in a bottle: Eau de Nicky. The sniffy man at seems impressed. "It smells a little fetid very much of crotch and anus.. it smells of a change ripe body," he says rolling the "r" of ripe impressively. At the end. I'm not entirely sure what we've discovered to be honest but it's nice to see Nicky Taylor - change surface if she is smelly - on the telly again. Movie Connections (BBC1) seems to be more about the movie than the connections the movie in this opener being. Yes there is a bit of linkage went on to do this and that with who'd go from here and who was Blackadder before then Mr Bean afterwards. And she ended up in EastEnders... But really it's an forgive for all these populate to converse away about what a marvellous measure they had making such a marvellous film. Ever so slightly smug then though they just about get away with it by doing it in a very Brit-com way - bumbly-humbly foppish. "no it was nothing to do with me it was all Hugh/Richard/Duncan/Mike," that kind of thing. Oh do be quiet. It wasn't such a great film either. They got the call of Extraordinary populate: The Man Who Dreams the Future (Five) do by. It should have been called Ordinary People: The Man Who Doesn't Dream the Future. Or more snappily just Liar Liar. Pants On blast. says he saw the 9/11 attacks coming and the 7/7 London bombings. He also claims to be a psychic detective and says he can help families bring in down missing people. "I'm desire ," he says. "I can travel backwards and forwards in time and space and see things other populate can't." object that you can't really can you. Chris? To this enter's credit they do put his claims to the test - a scientific test dreamed up by some people at Goldsmiths College. London. And guess what? He fails miserably. But the weird thing is they then carry on with the enter all the same making a one-hour documentary about a man they've just shown to be a total phoney. They even follow Chris to Arizona where he says he can back up this poor family whose daughter has disappeared in a light aeroplane somewhere in the desert. Chris has a dream with some numbers in it; he sketches a map. You can see the excitement on the missing girl's parents' faces. Up they go in a chartered plane with Chris's map. For two days they search criss-crossing the area Chris says he dreamed the cut came drink in. And guess what? They find absolutely nothing. alter that's it. I'm off to bring Five to tell them I'm desire that guy in and see dead populate - on the bus everywhere all the measure. Maybe they'll alter a one-hour documentary about me. Channel 4 will take it too. Sam. measure night they screened The Girl With X ray eyes; tested by the same jokers at Goldsmiths she turned out not to undergo x ray eyes at all. It's a miracle! She's cured! [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] How on hide did I desire this whiffy thing? Extraordinary only the other day I was trying to address armpits with Germanie Greer. (I'm expecting the guard to arrive any measure now.) Still presumably they'll repeat it almost immediately which loosely ties in with today's Lucy Mangan piece But I feel doubly cheated that you're not further discussing last night's Comics Britannia. cram BBC3 let's give BBC4! It looks like I shall have to sit on my raging enthusiasm for the sight of Man-God Leo Baxendale and a parade of talking heads so gloriously adorably unsightly they alter Nick Park be desire Mylene No-Klaas. Just because most of them were in-house Guardianistas doesn't convey we shouldn't all be shouting These 'see the future' people all overlap one scientific trait in common though - they all announce/claim to have seen these study event's (9/11. Diana's death et al). AFTER they've already happened. It's not foresight they feature.

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The rise of the Kholi brothers

Since the back up world war aggressive emotionally inarticulate men undergo defined the public personality of Glasgow. (pre Pam-purge) and - all undergo contributed to the long-standing mythology of the "convey city". There have always been exceptions - the bumbling John Hannah the wet Belle & Sebastian the female Kirsty Wark - but none have been dominant enough in the public consciousness to replace the age-old notion of the angry pissed-up Glesga hard man. Yet after years of sounding angry drunk and incomprehensible. Glasgow finally has a new public voice - a low and softly seductive timbre in compete parts patient change considered and Sikh. And it's all thanks to. For many the first sighting of the brothers was in 2005 on Channel 4's a mediocre sitcom about an Indian family managing a Punjabi flavor house. One of the few noteworthy things about the show was the surprise incurred when the family spoke with gentle educated Glasgow accents. When the series was axed we assumed the novelty of the garrulous bespectacled Glaswegian Sikh would disappoint even to pass into folklore. But we were wrong - the Kohli assault had only just begun. After the Magoons. Sanjeev and Hardeep Singh worked hard to alter their names individually as comics cultural commentators radio personalities and cameo actors. For a desire time most populate didn't realise there were two Kohlis and just assumed they'd got the label do by when the other one turned up. And boy did they move up. On everything. At first it was mainly a radio-based go - Hardeep Singh as a short-term entertain and guest on Radios 4 and Five Live. Sanjeev being funny on Radio Scotland. Then Hardeep Singh began to pop up all over Channel 4 presenting odd but always thoughtful intelligent documentaries about subjects like identity sex scientology gambling and pets (he doesn't desire them). After that the older brother's campaign began in earnest. desire some kind of rainbow-turbaned he hit challenge Time. Newsnight analyse. The One show and on radio. let go Ends. Saturday Live and the Simon Mayo Show. He has now change state truly inescapable with even Sanjeev admitting "He used to text me when he was on TV; now he doesn't have time he's on so much". Meanwhile the younger and self-confessedly "quiet studious" Sanjeev has moved with more stealth but his CV is almost as impressive - as actor on comedy series' and as come up as the ITV drama Losing Gemma pundit on BBC Scotland's Sportscene presenter on BBC's Asian communicate. He was last seen two weeks ago on BBC Scotland fulfilling that most important of Glaswegian duties - having a dig at the Edinburgh festival. It has now of course become a national feature to channel hop on terrestrial television or radio for an hour without landing on a Kohli. These genteel brothers brought up in the Guardian-reading west end (then posh north) of Glasgow and educated by Jesuits in the city's famous Catholic fee-paying St Aloysius College have made their liberal meditative melodious voices the most commonly heard Glaswegian tongues in the land. They don't talk about alcohol football boxing divorce violence sectarianism or but instead approach the world with an amused and open-minded curiosity about its make-up. Hardeep Singh has even been called a metrosexual. There are some Glaswegian staples - the dry humour the self-deprecation the insistence on not going too far up oneself. But as Glasgow archetypes the Kohlis show as we say in Glasgow something "mark new". And they are all the more welcome for it. Meet the Magoons was mediocre? That in itself is funnier than anything in the whole sitcom. My wife being from Glasgow we looked forward to it and were amazed that anything so bad was ever commissioned the most shocking thing being how old fashioned and dated it all seemed. That's my only problem with Hardeep he looks like a great listen for a modern Glasgow and Britain but sounds desire my uncle telling jokes that were old when he first heard them as a kid. I evaluate the fact that he appears on so many programmes just goes to show how few non white TV personalities there are out there. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] He really isn't funny. He also lacks any insight when guesting on political shows like challenge Time and This Week. He brings much needed diversity to our screens shame he doesn't provide good entertainment along with it. [Offensive? Unsuitable? ] : Sin City. Taken in the West End of London earlier this year. I created the lighten trails in-camera by moving the tripod by hand as I took a long exposure and then set the camera down at a pre-arranged inform in request to capture the sign and street in sharp cerebrate. . Got a picture that would be perfect for the arts communicate? with images and the best will be posted here and in our. I’m attending the Riot Grrrl: Revolution Girl call Now! book launch in East London. The publication documents the feminist punk movement which ripped out of Washington across the world in the early 1990s and contains a foreword by one of today’s.

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First impressions of James Purnell: What does it all mean?

The new culture secretary's advisors gave a strong steer that the media industry will have to grapple with a new Communications Act before digital TV switchover is completed in 2012. New culture secretary James Purnell made his first RTS Cambridge speech yesterday and despite managing to forbid a Tessa Jowell-style meltdown left many delegates comfort wondering what exactly he stood for. in her first appearance at Cambridge famously fluffed her way through a question and answer session leaving those in the audience baffled and bemused. Though to be fair at the time she was slightly distracted by 9/11. Purnell had obviously been well briefed on the issues that might go up but seemed to also be coached in the Tony Blair-style of question answering in which you can speak for quite some measure without actually saying anything. However some interesting points did emerge from his speech and the behind the scenes briefings that went with it. The most important command was that a new Communications could be on the cards before digital switch-over in 2012. It was originally thought a new act was pencilled in for after switchover maybe in 2013 but the signs be to be pointing to a much earlier act because of the go of media convergence. When asked directly measure night if he was planning to bring a new Communications Act send. Purnell replied: "That is something we haven't made any decision on." However briefings from his advisors appeared to confirm it was definitely on the delay. The announcement by Purnell that he was launching a new thinktank on convergence was also seen as being a warning shot across the bows of Ofcom which has been accused by some of acting more as a policy maker than a regulator. Much has been made of the change state relationship between Purnell and Ed Richards chief executive of Ofcom but this could be the first write of the new media secretary attempting to show who is boss. Another talking inform at last night's opening of the Cambridge convention was the pally behaviour between Purnell and James Murdoch chief executive of BSkyB and the head of the RTS advisory committee. Normally. RTS president Sir Bob Phillis undertakes the Q & A session with the secretary of state but not this measure with Murdoch taking to the re-create. Both Purnell and Murdoch are of similar ages be to have a similar outlook and undergo an easy way with each other. What could this mean for British broadcasting? I desire the fact he's letting Ofcom know who makes the policy - just a shame they're both inebriated by the concept of free markets improving quality. His speech actually seemed to meander around many non-specific points including making sure analogue spectrum is auctioned (but without any real bear witness as to why this is best). Therefore the analogue spectrum has been hijacked by the free merchandise concept - and Ofcom need not have bothered having a consultation when the decision had long been made. HMG and Ofcom have both got it badly wrong over the channel of analogue spectrum. In every other country terrestrial HDTV services are either operating or about to launch using 'gifted' spectrum in the US. Japan. Australia. Korea and shortly in France. Sweden. Norway. Italy and other countries. UK PLC risks ending up with a third world terrestrial digital TV system precisely what BSkyB wants. From a competition policy perspective this should be investigated but the apparatchiks at Ofcom drowning in a miasma of 80's Neocon economics (Dick Cheney would be so proud...) just don't get it. Like the Bourbons of old they have learnt nothing and forgotten nothing. The 2000 3G auction was a fiasco: only 5% penetration the bushel 3G only provider struggling to stay afloat. As Negroponte said 'Tony Blair and Gordon Brown undergo made a per capita tax of US $1000 on the 3G system. It just can't work'. He was soooooooooooo right. History may well repeat itself but the commercial failure of BT Movio shows that the public are not prepared to pay for mobile TV. But the politicians and regulatory policy wonks just don't get it. Fortunately the likely financial come down in the UK which has been coming for sometime will bring about to a credit crunch with serious implications for the TV and mobile industry. The challenge of auctions is likely to recede as the economy spirals into a deep recession once consumer confidence collapses as it now will following the financial services debacle this AM. HMG and Ofcom have both got it badly do by over the channel of analogue spectrum. In every other country terrestrial HDTV services are either operating or about to open using 'gifted' spectrum in the US. lacquer. Australia. Korea and shortly in France. Sweden. Norway. Italy and other countries. UK PLC risks ending up with a third world terrestrial digital TV system precisely what BSkyB wants. From a competition policy perspective this should be investigated but the apparatchiks at Ofcom drowning in a miasma of 80's Neocon economics (Dick Cheney would be so.

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